Trying to figure
out how to write my first blog while in Taiwan has been difficult to say the
least. Because of who I am at the core,
I want to write something catchy and slightly poetic, but at the same time, I
want to be honest and real. I want to write
something that flows and tells a story, but at the same time, my brain goes 137
mph and changes its mind faster then most girls I have met (just kidding). Finally, I settled with just writing whatever
my brain is focused upon, like throwing up my mind’s thoughts onto a page, that
way I stay to true to myself and whichever of you people decide to read this
blog.
So here we go:
One of my many
experiences while here in Taiwan is getting to spend time with one of my
favorite families, the Korells. During
my first visit at their lovely Taiwanese home, their little boy comes running
through the house, punching and hitting stuff like most little boys do. He then proceeds to take his large, blow up,
tiger (it is his new best friend) and hit his mom with it repeatedly. Of course, she tells him to stop, and almost
immediately, he asks, “Why?” You should have seen the smile on my face (the
same smile was not on Mrs. Korell’s face) when he asked this question. I smiled because my favorite question in the
world is by far the question “Why?” Some
of you, if not all of you, who know me have probably experienced this from time
to time, even to the point where you have been annoyed. I love to ask the question why because I
think it reveals so much about a person, and honestly, how often do we actually
consider why we think something or believe something. So here I am, in the middle of Taichung,
Taiwan, hearing a toddler ask my favorite question in the world, when the weight
of that question hit and proceeded to embedded itself into my heart and
soul. “Why?”
That is the
question that has been the hardest thing for me on this trip so far. I keep asking myself, “Why?” Why am I here?
What is the point? Why did I leave Nashville, where I am blessed to be part of
something incredible that God is doing, to spend two months in a country where
I do not know the language and I do not know what I am doing? Why did I choose
to come to a country where my heart does not lye, instead of going on an
adventure in England, where my heart is clearly longing to be? Why did I choose
to come to a country where it is clear that Satan has infiltrated the religion
and culture, a place where I am truly terrified of the very real spiritual
warfare? Why am I here? And it is in
these moments, when the night is dark and pressing in, when I get up from sleep
and step into the heat of the next room, when the depression, that constant
hovering cloud, sinks in, my mind screams to know, “Why?”
I am not going
lie, that question has not left me alone.
It proceeds to run circles in my head.
But there is another truth that I has been constant in these days since
I have left the states, and that is Jesus. He has shown himself
constantly. He showed himself in a
broken conversation with a little boy over his Batman shirt and my Superman
tank top, and how awesome those heroes are.
He showed himself in prayer as we walked under the eye of one of the
local temples. He showed himself in
reconnecting with old friends from JC, especially when we get to share how much
Jesus has done and changed in us in the past two years. He has shown himself in the many teachers who
are here, who desire to share his word and his love. He has shown himself in my roommate who is
from Brazil and has spent a year away from his home, his family, and his
girlfriend, chasing the Lord all over the world. He has shown himself in his word, which has
jumped out and spoken to me constantly throughout this adventure. He has shown himself by answering my favorite
question. My mind asks, “Why?” and Jesus
answers loudly and boldly with himself. And I know for a fact, he will keep
revealing himself and showing himself until I am amazed, astonished, and afraid
of all that he is by the end of this trip.
So I leave with
you what Jesus pressed in on me while I set depressed in an Atlanta airport,
questioning why and doubting this Great Perhaps:
“Peace I leave
with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let
not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
-John
14:27
