Once Upon a Great Perhaps

I just started my ninth book since leaving the states.  I have read 8 books since June 26^th.  I don’t say that to brag.  Actually maybe a little bit, but that is merely because reading this much makes me feel like Lauren Mills, and that in itself is a pretty blessed feeling.  I do say it because I want it to set up a thought in this blog post for you to read because that is how I work.  I ask or say things sometimes just to set up a thought I want to share. Some call that manipulative; I call that persuasive. 

So I started my ninth book today since leaving the states.  The amount of pages and stories that I have read has shocked me, and I began to wonder why I have been on such a reading binge.  There have been nights where I have gotten very little sleep because a story has captivated me, called me, and pushed me to finish the story above all else.  And I have succumbed to that call consistently.  I am not complaining about that at all, just merely noting my sleep deprivation.  Every book has been worth it to me, even the classic The Old Man and The Sea I read last night.

You see, when I am reading, I am literally taken to another world.  My brain has the magical power of transporting my being into the pages, where my conscious leaves the world and begins living in the world created by ink on paper.  I forget time, I forget location, I forget the world.  To show you how true this: when I was headlong into a book called Divergent, you should check it out, I stopped for the night, and suddenly forgot where I was.  It took me a moment to remember that I was laying on the top bunk in my room in an apartment in Taichung, Taiwan.  Reading has become my escape while I am here. 

And too be absolutely honest, I need an escape here at times.  This is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.  Everyday I am challenged; everyday my view of God is stretched, every other day something hard happens.  Recently, one my closest, (re-established while here) friends was forced home because of sickness, and it sucks so much.  There are times were I just want to escape, and the books are my only escape.

But being aware of this, reflecting on this, has given me some hope.  You see, not every book I read is positive, but every book I read teaches me something.  You can ask some of my close friends who are forced to talk to me, I wrestle with themes from these books all the time.  Recently, I have thinking about the concepts of fear as life’s great enemy (Life of Pi) and the impact we make in this world (One Last Thing Before I Go). It is not the positive feelings that help me escape, but it is merely the act of entering in the story and learning through an adventure. 

Along with this, while I do not know these authors who haven’t written the books I have been enjoying, I do know the author who is writing my story.  He has created an incredible world more vibrant then the like of J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis.  He has created characters with more depth then many of the characters I grew up with in Harry Potter. He has written a plot with more power, inspiration, and depth then anything John Green has ever written, and the main character is a better hero then anything I have ever come across in my readings.  He is someone I want to follow, be like, learn from, and passionately love, all wrapped into one man.

 The craziest part of this realization is that I am part of this story.  I was inked in with a role and a sub-plot to the greatest story ever written.  I am part of a love story, an action story, a history, a poem, and so many other genres. And like my books, it doesn’t always mean that everything is happy.  Most of the times, the best books are the ones that have the hardest moments, the ones that leave your mouth open.  That is my story right now.  While I seek a Great Perhaps, I am learning that my story does not always equal the positivity of Clifford the Big Red Dog, but as each new chapter is written, as more depth is added, I am being challenged and stretched.  And as my story is being twisted and turned, taken down different journeys, I am learning more and more.

The thing is, I was wrong the whole time.  Seeking a Great Perhaps does not mean that every adventure will be glorious and the greatest memory every.  I have sought a Great Perhaps all summer, and a lot of these adventures have been hard.  Taiwan is hard; Bonnaroo was hard. Even the book that the quote came from, Looking for Alaska, points to this as it wrestles with the concept of a maze of suffering.  A Great Perhaps does not mean constant happiness, but it does mean that with each new adventure, you will, I will grow, I will learn, and dive deep into the depths of life.  And the greatest thing to come out of this story is that at the end of these Great Perhapses, I will find The Great Perhaps.  And The Great Perhaps is the greatest, most perfect Perhaps of them all.  The most perfect ending to this story I am joyful and passionate to be a part of….

“I go to seek a Great Perhaps.”