Will Power

will  

/wil/

Verb

1.     Intend, desire, or wish (something) to happen: "he was doing what the saint willed".

2.     to purpose, determine on, or elect, by an act of will: If he wills success, he can find it.

3.     to exercise the will: To will is not enough, one must do.

Noun

1.     The faculty by which a person decides on and initiates action: "she has an iron will".

2.     the faculty of conscious and especially of deliberate action; the power of control the mind has over its own actions: the freedom of the will.

3.     power of choosing one's own actions: to have a strong or a weak will.

Will.  This is the word that has been running through my mind like a Kenyan training for a marathon.  This is especially true now that the focus topic of the week at SYME (School of Youth Ministry in English) is the will of God.  The issue for me is that when my mind gets a topic trapped in it, I will think about it over and over, analyzing it in as many different angles as I can.  Some of you already know this about me.  So needless to say, the concept of will has been wrestled and contemplated over many, many times, and I think two of the definitions above clearly help present my thoughts and what has happened in the past week of SYME.

1.     Will (verb)à the faculty of conscious and especially of deliberate action; the power of control the mind has over its own actions. 

Here is what I have learned: my will power might be bi-polar.  There are things that I can will into place.  I can enforce my will in my classroom, controlling the tempo, pace, and information.  I can make it entertaining when I need, and strict and boring when necessary. I can push Jesus when needed, and push English when needed.  I can enforce my will in my conversations.  I can dictate what is shared and how much is shared simply by the questions I ask.  I can choose not to share, or when to share.  There are aspects of this trip that I can will to happen and control. 

Then there are the things my will fails at completely, like my struggles, my depression, pride, etc.  With these things, I can’t simply impose my will to control.  There are times where I feel completely helpless, like my struggles are imposing their will on me, and it is in these moments, that I know Satan is pressing in, trying to impede what God is doing here.  Which leads me to the next definition:

2.     Will (noun)à Intend, desire, or wish (something) to happen. 

            What is God’s will? What is God’s will for me in this trip? And how can I follow God’s will if my own will is so weak and helpless? These are questions I wrestle with daily.  I wrestle with my purpose here.  I wrestle with having to endure one of the most challenging adventures I have ever had everyday. Everyday I have to submit to God’s will and believe that it has brought me here for purpose.  Everyday I have found myself desperately needing to dive into the depths of Jesus simply to prepare me for the day; to prepare me to complete his daily will for my life.

 It is in these moments: these moments staring at the beauty of Jesus; these moments of having the scriptures blow my mind daily; these moments where I get to laugh, love, and share life with these incredible students; the moments where I get to talk about Jesus to people who, until a week ago, have never heard of the name of my Lord and King.  It is in these moments, and so many more, that I am reminded that the will of God is good, pleasing, and perfect, even when it is challenging.  It is in these moments that I am reminded of when Jesus had to submit to the will of God, despite the cost, just to save me. 

Yes, my heart is not passionately in love with the nation of Taiwan, but my heart is passionately in love with Jesus and for what he cares about. And he wills that all will taste and see his glory and goodness, from Nashville all the way to Taiwan. He wills for the lost to be found, for the broken to be healed, and the neglected to be loved.  He wills for people like my students to know him.  He wills for people to be saved, and it was his will that brought me to my knees.  It is his will that saved me, that changed my life, and which led me to fall madly in love with this guy from Nazareth named Jesus. And for that reason, I will continue to submit to his will and trust and believe it is all worth it in the end.

So I leave you this:

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

                                                                        -1 Thessalonians 5:16-18